Financial Mistakes Men and Women Make When Getting Divorced

Men and women often make financial mistakes when getting divorced. Learn what they are and how to avoid them. San Diego Collaborative Divorce information 858-472-4022

Men and women often make financial mistakes when getting divorced. Learn what they are and how to avoid them. San Diego Collaborative Divorce information 858-472-4022

Under the emotional stress of a divorce, it can be difficult to make decisions, especially when they involved financial matters. There are several common mistakes that occur. Some are made by the person who is the primary breadwinner, often the husband. There are different common mistakes made by the person who makes less money, or who is the primary parent, often the wife.

Justin Reckers, CFP, CDFA, financial professional and President of the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego, offers his advice on financial decision-making during divorce in two new informative articles in Investment News:

5 Financial Mistakes Divorcing Men Make

5 Financial Mistakes Divorcing Women Make

One of the worst decisions both women and men make: hiring a “killer” divorce attorney who will “fight” for them. Starting your divorce process on a contentious track means that all of your discussions about children, dividing assets and the transition from being married to being divorced become more challenging. It often takes a lot longer, and costs a lot more.

The Collaborative Divorce approach avoids the stress and expense of a litigated divorce, and results in healthier long-term outcomes. Contact the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego at 858-472-4022 or attend one of our Divorce Options workshops to learn more.

 

Washington Post Article Features CFLGSD Member Justin Reckers

washpost-illustration-php

Board member and incoming president Justin Reckers was quoted in a recent Washington Post essay on the financial realities women often face after divorce.

Please read the article here.

The Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego welcomes the opportunity to share our members’ expertise about divorce issues in nationally respected publications. We also offer speakers to your group or organization. Please contact us at 858-472-4022.

 

Three Divorces In One

by Traci Hoppes, Family Law Attorney
Law & Mediation Firm of Klueck & Hoppes

BrokenHearts640

Family law attorneys are hired to help people obtain a legal divorce. However, most divorce clients are really going through three different “divorces” at the same time:

Traci Hoppes

1.  Emotional Divorce

The emotional divorce begins with the decision to separate and ends when both spouses accept the fact that the relationship is over. Psychologists who have studied divorce believe that ending a relationship means going through a grieving process similar to grieving the death of a loved one. Borrowing from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s studies of the grief process, psychologists have identified certain emotional stages that everyone grieving the loss of a relationship goes through:

  • denial and shock
  • bargaining
  • anger
  • acceptance

An awareness of where you and your spouse each are in the emotional divorce is essential. An out-of-control emotional divorce can cause a lot of problems with the process.

There are so many financial implications to divorce including the date of separation. It is best to work with expert divorce attorneys and financial professional on your side.

2.  Financial Divorce

In the financial divorce, the property and debts accumulated during the relationship get divided up. The income used to support one household will have to somehow stretch to pay for two.

Ideally, the couple will find a way to divide things up that works for both of them without spending a ton of money on lawyers’ fees and court costs. But, this will require cooperation. If the couple is unable to cooperate, they will find it hard to make the financial decisions needed to complete the divorce process.

Taking your divorce disputes in front of a judge is not always the best method of reaching a satisfactory solution. Consider the Collaborative Divorce approach instead.

3.  Legal Divorce

The legal divorce can be the simplest of the three divorces, or it can be the most difficult. There are waiting periods and other formalities to be observed. Certain documents need to be completed and filed with the court, and eventually a judge will sign the divorce judgment.

As long as legal requirements are followed, and especially if the case is uncontested with no disagreements that the court needs to resolve, getting a divorce does not need to be all that complicated or expensive. But if the couple gets stuck in emotional or financial conflict, the legal divorce can become a long and expensive battle.

A Better Way…

If a couple wants to settle things but is having trouble doing so on their own, Collaborative Divorce offers tools to help a couple communicate at a time when things between them may be at an all-time low. With the help of trained professionals, the couple can assess where they stand in the process for each of the three divorces, identify the decisions that need to be made together, and then make those decisions in a way that takes into account what needs to happen and is best for both of them.

Real Talk San Diego Features Attorney Meredith Lewis

Meredith Lewis flyer

Tune in to Real Talk San Diego on ESPN Radio 1700 this Thursday, September 1, at 1 p.m. to hear Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego member and Certified Family Law Specialist Meredith Lewis.

Meredith will discuss family law issues and mediation.

You can listen from anywhere online: http://www.realtalksandiego.com/

Shawn Weber: Swimming With the Sharks or Dolphins?

What type of attorney do you want to help you navigate your divorce? Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego member Shawn Weber describes his view of attorney styles in an interview on “Real Talk San Diego” heard on ESPN Radio 1700 AM. See a video of the interview here.

Listen to the full interview featuring Shawn’s insights on Alternative Dispute Resolution and divorce mediation including Collaborative Divorce in the Soundcloud podcast here.

Seven Steps to Divorce Your Finances from Your Ex

Don't forget to tie up financial matters after you divorce. Our checklist will help.
Don't forget to tie up financial matters after you divorce. Our checklist will help.

Don’t forget to tie up financial matters after you divorce. Our checklist will help.

by Ginita Wall, Certified Public Accountant (CPA), Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), Certified Financial Planner (CFP®)

Even in the best of circumstances, a divorce is a long, arduous, and emotional task. As soon as you finalize the divorce, you might just want to curl up in bed for a few weeks and watch every single thing on Netflix. Not so fast! Now that you and your ex have uncoupled your married lives, it’s time to uncouple your financial ones at well. As you begin to walk your own path, you must ensure that you are now solely in control of your finances, including your bills, insurance policies, and estate planning documents. Pause that Netflix show, you have some financial divorcing to do!

Ginita Wall Divorce Financial advice San Diego 858-472-4022

Ginita Wall

  1. Separate Your Bank Accounts and Open Your Own

If you and your spouse held joint bank accounts, it is time to close those suckers out and open your own accounts. This will allow you to control your own money and will help you both avoid inequities in spending within the shared account.

  1. Re-Route Direct Deposits and Direct Bill Pay

Now that you have your very own checking and/or savings accounts (I recommend both), you need to make sure that your automated deposits and bill pay go to the right place. You are going to be mighty unhappy if your next paycheck tries to go into the joint account you just closed, and your electric company won’t appreciate trying to pull your monthly payment from a non-existent account. Make a list of all the automatic payments that go into and out of your joint accounts and then make sure to re-route the ones you are responsible for.

  1. Deactivate Joint Credit Cards

It might be tempting to put some last-minute charges on a shared credit card, but it is best to resist. Instead, open new credit cards in your own name first and then work with your spouse to close down all your shared cards. You two will need to work together if your shared cards have a balance. Most credit card companies allow you to transfer part or all of a card’s balance to a new account, and many actually offer special promotions with low or zero introductory interest rates on transferred balances. As with your online accounts, make sure you re-route any automatic payments from your old credit cards to your new ones.

  1. Remove Your Ex from Your Insurance Policies

Unless your divorce agreement provides otherwise, it’s time to boot your ex off of your health insurance policy, car insurance policy, and renter’s insurance. Make sure to let him or her know what you are doing so he isn’t surprised to learn he doesn’t have insurance after a car accident. If you are on your ex-spouse’s insurance policies, don’t bet on him paying your premiums unless that was part of your settlement. Time to start shopping for your own insurance policies. (Learn about how to Maintain Your Health Insurance After Divorce).

  1. Make Sure Your Ex Isn’t Your Beneficiary

During the good days of your marriage, you probably made your ex-spouse the beneficiary of your life insurance policy, your retirement accounts, the trust that holds your inheritance, and perhaps your entire personal estate. Unless you two somehow managed to stay best friends, chances are you don’t want him to benefit financially from your demise. Schedule some time in the near future to remove him as your beneficiary from these documents. (Learn more about Estate Planning for Women).

  1. Remove Your Ex From the Title of Your Assets

Is your spouse listed on your car title or the deed to your house or other property? If you received these items as part of the divorce settlement, you’ll want to make sure that yours is the only name on those important documents. Transfer your vehicle title to your name and record an Interspousal Transfer Deed to remove your spouse from the house deed once all other ownership arrangements have been made (for example, you’ve paid him to buy him out his share of the home).

  1. Create a New Will

One of the most important things you need to do now is make sure that your financial legacy goes to the right people in your life. If your ex-spouse is the prime beneficiary of your will or is listed as your agent in your durable power of attorney, you’ll likely want to update both of these documents. This might mean giving your estate planning attorney a call or filling out new online templates.

Yes, tying up all of these loose ends is a lot of work, but it is also worth the hassle. Financially divorcing your spouse after your official divorce will put you on more solid financial ground and give you a clear path ahead as you begin to rebuild.

Member Garrison Klueck Named National Ombudsman for MENSA

Member Garrison Klueck was recently named the National Ombudsmen for MENSA, the national "High IQ Society." San Diego Divorce Lawyer

Congratulations to Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego member Garrison Klueck on his new role as National Ombudsman for MENSA, the national organization often referred to as the “High IQ Society.”

Garrison was part of a recent Collaborative group presentation at MENSA’s annual conference held earlier this summer in San Diego.

Read more about Garrison’s new role with MENSA here.

Garrison Klueck, Ginita Wall, Debra Dupree, and Frank Nageotte discussed Collaborative Divorce at the 2016 MENSA Annual Gathering.

(Left to right) Garrison Klueck, Ginita Wall, Debra Dupree, and Frank Nageotte discussed Collaborative Divorce at the 2016 MENSA Annual Gathering.

 

Collaborative Divorce featured Thursday, Aug 18 on Real Talk San Diego Radio

San Diego based family law attorney Shawn Weber, member of the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego, will talk about Collaborative Divorce and other family law issues during his upcoming appearance on the ESPN 1700 AM Radio program “Real Talk San Diego” with hosts Ryan White and Karen Kaseno on Thursday, August 18, at 1 p.m.

Shawn will discuss the advantage of a Collaborative Divorce over a litigated divorce, and the reasons your family will benefit, especially if you have minor children. Shawn Weber flyer

You can listen online on the Real Talk San Diego website.

Desensitizing, Brutalizing, And Degrading: Is This the Effect of Divorce Court?

Learn about your Divorce Options at a free workshop on March 4 at 10:30 a.m. in the Carmel Valley area of San Diego. RSVP at 858-472-2022.

by Mark Hill, Certified Financial Planner, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst
and Ryan Fentin-Thompson, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst
Pacific Divorce Management

Divorce can be a dehumanizing experience, especially for children. Avoiding a court battle can help relieve some of the negative effects of divorce on the family.

Divorce can be a dehumanizing experience, especially for children. Avoiding a court battle can help relieve some of the negative effects of divorce on the family.

Oftentimes, a couple going through divorce is portrayed as angry, revengeful and resentful towards one another. While these feelings may be present we have found that the more prevalent sentiment for both parties is a feeling of sadness and sorrow. Despite any current animosity that may be felt towards one another, no one enters into marriage expecting to divorce, so there will always be some sense of loss.

From the outsider’s perspective, one might assume the hostility between the couple stems from the decision to divorce; however, more often, it is the process of divorce which produces these feelings. The litigation system drives people from sad to furious, furious to enraged, enraged to resentful. Open court is usually the worst place to negotiate the end of an intimate relationship. Not only is this a public forum but also it tends to place the focus on winning and losing which usually does not benefit the whole family.

mark-hill-photo-02One example I saw in my own practice was in a highly contested divorce where both husband and wife wanted to keep the family home. Since they could not reach agreement, the judge ordered the house sold, which had the result of taking the children away from their friends and requiring them to change schools based upon their parents’ new residency.

Even the best judges seldom have time to do more than render strictly legal based decisions which lack the creativity which families always need when facing divorce. I was struck by a recent TV commercial related to our current presidential election using the tagline “Our children are watching,” and thought how it also relates to divorce. Offspring of divorcing couples always learn a lot about relationships from how their parents behave throughout the process. My experience is that choosing the adversarial approach seldom improves such behavior.

It can be dehumanizing for the professionals involved as well. Most people go into this field from a desire to help families work through what is usually an incredibly difficult life event. Too often, we find the system forcing decisions that we know will not fit the needs of our clients. It undermines what motivates us to do this work and can distance us from our own sense of humanity and compassion. We in the field have all experienced cases where outcomes fall well short of what our hopes and expectations were at the point at which we were retained. Recent research has suggested divorce professionals pay an ongoing price for this, described as “vicarious trauma.”

Alternative dispute resolution allows many of the shortcomings of a traditional divorce to be addressed. Professionals are required to look for creative solutions that benefit the entire family rather than trying to advance the cause of one side. The clients are engaged and required to take responsibility for the decisions that are reached. In the case of Collaborative Divorce they do so with the resources of legal, financial, and mental health professionals together with them at the table. We have found that this provides the best opportunity for outcomes that avoid much of the negativity usually associated with divorce.

 

 

 

MENSA Members Get Smart About Collaborative Divorce

Garrison Klueck, Ginita Wall, Debra Dupree, and Frank Nageotte discussed Collaborative Divorce at the 2016 MENSA Annual Gathering.

Members of the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego spoke at the 2016 MENSA annual gathering, held over the Fourth of July weekend at the Town & Country Resort. A tradition for MENSA since 1963, the Annual Gathering has grown from a two-day meet-and-greet in New York to a sprawling and diverse collection of programs, talks, games and entertainment spanning the July 4th weekend.

Photography by Sheri Lowery.

Garrison Klueck, Ginita Wall, Debra Dupree, and Frank Nageotte discussed Collaborative Divorce at the 2016 MENSA Annual Gathering.

Garrison Klueck, Ginita Wall, Debra Dupree, and Frank Nageotte discussed Collaborative Divorce at the 2016 MENSA Annual Gathering.

Members Garrison Klueck, Ginita Wall, Debra Dupree and Frank Nageotte introduced MENSA members to the different process options available to couples considering divorce, including Collaborative Divorce, maximizing their ability to make good decisions during this difficult and challenging time.

MENSA members ask questions following the presentation on Collaborative Divorce at its annual conference in San Diego.

MENSA members ask questions following the presentation on Collaborative Divorce at its annual conference in San Diego.

CFLG San Diego’s members work together to learn, practice, and promote Collaborative processes for problem solving and the peaceful resolution of family law issues, with an eye toward preserving the emotional, as well as the financial, assets of the family. Its goal is to transform the resolution of family law issues through respectful, Collaborative processes that protect the integrity and health of family relationships and eliminate the need for families to resort to litigation.

Garrison Klueck speaks to the MENSA Annual Gathering in San Diego as Ginita Wall awaits her part of the presentation.

Garrison Klueck speaks to the MENSA Annual Gathering in San Diego as Ginita Wall awaits her part of the presentation.

If you would like representatives of the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego to speak to your organization, club, business, or social group, contact us at 858-472-4022 or email sddivorceoptions@gmail.com There is no charge for a presentation.

Informational materials on Collaborative Divorce are part of any presentation we offer to your group, organization, business or club.

Informational materials on Collaborative Divorce are part of any presentation we offer to your group, organization, business or club.