Financial Mistakes Men and Women Make When Getting Divorced

Men and women often make financial mistakes when getting divorced. Learn what they are and how to avoid them. San Diego Collaborative Divorce information 858-472-4022

Men and women often make financial mistakes when getting divorced. Learn what they are and how to avoid them. San Diego Collaborative Divorce information 858-472-4022

Under the emotional stress of a divorce, it can be difficult to make decisions, especially when they involved financial matters. There are several common mistakes that occur. Some are made by the person who is the primary breadwinner, often the husband. There are different common mistakes made by the person who makes less money, or who is the primary parent, often the wife.

Justin Reckers, CFP, CDFA, financial professional and President of the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego, offers his advice on financial decision-making during divorce in two new informative articles in Investment News:

5 Financial Mistakes Divorcing Men Make

5 Financial Mistakes Divorcing Women Make

One of the worst decisions both women and men make: hiring a “killer” divorce attorney who will “fight” for them. Starting your divorce process on a contentious track means that all of your discussions about children, dividing assets and the transition from being married to being divorced become more challenging. It often takes a lot longer, and costs a lot more.

The Collaborative Divorce approach avoids the stress and expense of a litigated divorce, and results in healthier long-term outcomes. Contact the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego at 858-472-4022 or attend one of our Divorce Options workshops to learn more.

 

Seven Steps to Divorce Your Finances from Your Ex

Don't forget to tie up financial matters after you divorce. Our checklist will help.
Don't forget to tie up financial matters after you divorce. Our checklist will help.

Don’t forget to tie up financial matters after you divorce. Our checklist will help.

by Ginita Wall, Certified Public Accountant (CPA), Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), Certified Financial Planner (CFP®)

Even in the best of circumstances, a divorce is a long, arduous, and emotional task. As soon as you finalize the divorce, you might just want to curl up in bed for a few weeks and watch every single thing on Netflix. Not so fast! Now that you and your ex have uncoupled your married lives, it’s time to uncouple your financial ones at well. As you begin to walk your own path, you must ensure that you are now solely in control of your finances, including your bills, insurance policies, and estate planning documents. Pause that Netflix show, you have some financial divorcing to do!

Ginita Wall Divorce Financial advice San Diego 858-472-4022

Ginita Wall

  1. Separate Your Bank Accounts and Open Your Own

If you and your spouse held joint bank accounts, it is time to close those suckers out and open your own accounts. This will allow you to control your own money and will help you both avoid inequities in spending within the shared account.

  1. Re-Route Direct Deposits and Direct Bill Pay

Now that you have your very own checking and/or savings accounts (I recommend both), you need to make sure that your automated deposits and bill pay go to the right place. You are going to be mighty unhappy if your next paycheck tries to go into the joint account you just closed, and your electric company won’t appreciate trying to pull your monthly payment from a non-existent account. Make a list of all the automatic payments that go into and out of your joint accounts and then make sure to re-route the ones you are responsible for.

  1. Deactivate Joint Credit Cards

It might be tempting to put some last-minute charges on a shared credit card, but it is best to resist. Instead, open new credit cards in your own name first and then work with your spouse to close down all your shared cards. You two will need to work together if your shared cards have a balance. Most credit card companies allow you to transfer part or all of a card’s balance to a new account, and many actually offer special promotions with low or zero introductory interest rates on transferred balances. As with your online accounts, make sure you re-route any automatic payments from your old credit cards to your new ones.

  1. Remove Your Ex from Your Insurance Policies

Unless your divorce agreement provides otherwise, it’s time to boot your ex off of your health insurance policy, car insurance policy, and renter’s insurance. Make sure to let him or her know what you are doing so he isn’t surprised to learn he doesn’t have insurance after a car accident. If you are on your ex-spouse’s insurance policies, don’t bet on him paying your premiums unless that was part of your settlement. Time to start shopping for your own insurance policies. (Learn about how to Maintain Your Health Insurance After Divorce).

  1. Make Sure Your Ex Isn’t Your Beneficiary

During the good days of your marriage, you probably made your ex-spouse the beneficiary of your life insurance policy, your retirement accounts, the trust that holds your inheritance, and perhaps your entire personal estate. Unless you two somehow managed to stay best friends, chances are you don’t want him to benefit financially from your demise. Schedule some time in the near future to remove him as your beneficiary from these documents. (Learn more about Estate Planning for Women).

  1. Remove Your Ex From the Title of Your Assets

Is your spouse listed on your car title or the deed to your house or other property? If you received these items as part of the divorce settlement, you’ll want to make sure that yours is the only name on those important documents. Transfer your vehicle title to your name and record an Interspousal Transfer Deed to remove your spouse from the house deed once all other ownership arrangements have been made (for example, you’ve paid him to buy him out his share of the home).

  1. Create a New Will

One of the most important things you need to do now is make sure that your financial legacy goes to the right people in your life. If your ex-spouse is the prime beneficiary of your will or is listed as your agent in your durable power of attorney, you’ll likely want to update both of these documents. This might mean giving your estate planning attorney a call or filling out new online templates.

Yes, tying up all of these loose ends is a lot of work, but it is also worth the hassle. Financially divorcing your spouse after your official divorce will put you on more solid financial ground and give you a clear path ahead as you begin to rebuild.

MENSA Members Get Smart About Collaborative Divorce

Garrison Klueck, Ginita Wall, Debra Dupree, and Frank Nageotte discussed Collaborative Divorce at the 2016 MENSA Annual Gathering.

Members of the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego spoke at the 2016 MENSA annual gathering, held over the Fourth of July weekend at the Town & Country Resort. A tradition for MENSA since 1963, the Annual Gathering has grown from a two-day meet-and-greet in New York to a sprawling and diverse collection of programs, talks, games and entertainment spanning the July 4th weekend.

Photography by Sheri Lowery.

Garrison Klueck, Ginita Wall, Debra Dupree, and Frank Nageotte discussed Collaborative Divorce at the 2016 MENSA Annual Gathering.

Garrison Klueck, Ginita Wall, Debra Dupree, and Frank Nageotte discussed Collaborative Divorce at the 2016 MENSA Annual Gathering.

Members Garrison Klueck, Ginita Wall, Debra Dupree and Frank Nageotte introduced MENSA members to the different process options available to couples considering divorce, including Collaborative Divorce, maximizing their ability to make good decisions during this difficult and challenging time.

MENSA members ask questions following the presentation on Collaborative Divorce at its annual conference in San Diego.

MENSA members ask questions following the presentation on Collaborative Divorce at its annual conference in San Diego.

CFLG San Diego’s members work together to learn, practice, and promote Collaborative processes for problem solving and the peaceful resolution of family law issues, with an eye toward preserving the emotional, as well as the financial, assets of the family. Its goal is to transform the resolution of family law issues through respectful, Collaborative processes that protect the integrity and health of family relationships and eliminate the need for families to resort to litigation.

Garrison Klueck speaks to the MENSA Annual Gathering in San Diego as Ginita Wall awaits her part of the presentation.

Garrison Klueck speaks to the MENSA Annual Gathering in San Diego as Ginita Wall awaits her part of the presentation.

If you would like representatives of the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego to speak to your organization, club, business, or social group, contact us at 858-472-4022 or email sddivorceoptions@gmail.com There is no charge for a presentation.

Informational materials on Collaborative Divorce are part of any presentation we offer to your group, organization, business or club.

Informational materials on Collaborative Divorce are part of any presentation we offer to your group, organization, business or club.

Six Tips for Separating Emotions from Economics in Divorce

Financial Infidelity and The Money Trap

by Ginita Wall, CPA, CFP®, CDFA 

They say that a bad marriage is like a game of cards. You start out with two hearts and a diamond – but end up wishing for a club and a spade. When those feelings surface during a divorce, it leads to unproductive conflict and often results in a less than optimal settlement.

In divorce it is important to focus on the real problems to come up with real solutions. If spouses are at war, they are likely to see each other as the problem and the divorce as the solution. But they won’t get to true resolution until they recognize that simply isn’t true. The real problem is how to divvy everything up in divorce, and divorcing spouses won’t arrive at the best solution for their family until they collaborate on resolving their issues by working together, not against each other.

No matter how much spouses despise each other, they often equally despise spending money on a divorce battle, so even though they are on the outs they may be willing to work together to settle matters and keep the costs down by staying out of court.

When you are going through a contentious divorce, the key is to avoid letting uncertainty whip either of you into an emotional tizzy. The more frenzied your emotions, the longer the proceedings and the more costly the divorce. Collaborative divorce can be a Godsend in reaching optimal resolution at a reasonable cost.  In collaborative divorce, you’ll have all the professionals at the same table, working with the same facts, and engage coaches to keep everyone on track. That keeps uncertainty and miscommunication down, which helps everyone focus on the issues that are most important.

The job of the professionals in collaborative divorce is to help clients figure out how to divvy up the assets and debts so that each spouse emerges from divorce with a fair share of the pot that will let them begin anew. Here are six tips the divorcing spouses can use to separate emotions from economics:

Don’t let guilt rule you. “Please release me, let me go,” pleads the country song, but don’t give up everything to buy your freedom. Your spouse will still be unhappy that the marriage is ending, and you’ll be unhappy when you find yourself impoverished by your foolish gesture. The needs of each person are important, and the goal is to reach the best agreement possible as you balance those needs.

Don’t give in just to get it over.  When going through divorce, carefully consider your current needs and your needs in the future. You can’t depend on your soon-to-be-ex have your best interests in mind, and you can’t depend on your attorney to know exactly what is best for you and your family. Don’t try to shortcut a divorce. The only way out is through, and it will take your conscious involvement to reach a resolution that will work for you.

Don’t make nice to get him or her back. It’s all right to hope against hope that your divorce will end in reconciliation, but don’t bend over backward to make it happen. Stand up for yourself and get your share. If you successfully reconcile, and some couples do, that’s wonderful, but if you don’t, you’ll still be able to take care of yourself financially.

Leave revenge at the door. Legally, it doesn’t matter who did who wrong. Revenge is costly, and funding a wild rampage by not giving an inch is bound to turn out badly. You won’t win every battle, no matter what, and if you stubbornly stick to your guns despite all reasonable offers to settle, who knows, you might even end up paying part of your spouse’s attorney fees.

Don’t succumb to threats, or threaten your spouse. Money and power are emotionally linked, but in divorce it isn’t smart to try to use money to control your spouse and get your way. If you launch a full-blown court battle and argue every financial issue, be assured that most of what you can’t agree on will end up being split between your attorneys, with a sizeable amount going to the financial professionals. That is money that could be used to fund your family’s future if you stay out of court.

Focus on problem-solving, not fighting. Don’t let meetings with your ex turn into posturing to show who is in control or how smart you are. Settling your divorce is the problem you confront, and it won’t get solved through fighting. You can’t get everything you want in divorce, so figure out what is most important to you and let the rest go. You’ll end up with a better agreement, a less tumultuous relationship, a happier family, and a healthier future.

Developing Diversity in Divorce Goal of Statewide Conference April 25-27

CPCal working to meet the needs of the modern family

Contact: Gayle Lynn Falkenthal, APR
619-997-2495 or gayle@falconvalleygroup.com

 

(SAN DIEGO) – Collaborative Divorce professionals throughout California will focus on broadening the reach of the Collaborative model to an increasingly diverse array of families at its statewide conference April 25-27 in San Francisco, California.

A team of ten members from the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego will take a leadership role in the conference, including attorneys, financial specialists, and mental health practitioners. They include Julie Mack, attorney/mediator and President of CFLG San Diego; attorneys Adryenn Canton, Hildy Fentin, Julia M. Garwood, Meredith Lewis, Frann Setzer, Nancy Taylor, Colleen Warren, and Shawn Weber; and financial advisor Ginita Wall.

“Our model offers a way to meet the needs of non-traditional families in the legal system,” said Mack. “It allows for flexible, respectful solutions to common family law challenges involving marriage and divorce. We strive to address the legal and psychological factors affecting a wide range of families.

“The Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego is eager to let people know we offer them a range of choices for legal, financial, and mental health services all with the ultimate goal in mind of preserving the health and well-being of the family, however the family model is defined for them. The Collaborative model is especially well suited to addressing issues that aren’t always typical and often prove challenging in the court system.

“We urge families struggling to address these issues to give the Collaborative Process a chance. Even if they are skeptics, they have nothing to lose by giving our alternative a try,” said Mack.

The collaborative process is being used in divorce and family law, domestic partnerships, same sex marriages, employment law, probate law, construction and real property law, malpractice, and other civil law areas.

The Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego (CFLG San Diego) is a non-profit group of legal, financial, and mental health professionals trained in the Collaborative Process offering an alternative to litigated divorce.

CFLG San Diego’s members work together to learn, practice, and promote collaborative processes for problem solving and the peaceful resolution of family law issues, with an eye toward preserving the emotional, as well as the financial, assets of the family. Its goal is to transform the resolution of family law issues through respectful, collaborative processes that protect the integrity and health of family relationships and eliminate the need for families to resort to litigation.

CFLG is online at www.collaborativefamilylawsandiego.com, and LinkedIn.

 

 

Tips for Handling the Holidays When Your Marriage No Longer Feels Like a “Gift”

Ginita Wall Divorce Financial advice San Diego 858-472-4022

by Ginita Wall, CPA, CFP®, CDFA

Holidays are usually a time for reconnecting, but if you are married — and not so happily — seasonal preparations and celebrations can put a major strain on relationships that are already teetering on the brink. So how do you celebrate the holidays when you don’t think your marriage will make it?  Here are some tips for getting through it all.

Ask for help from friends and family. If it looks like getting divorced will be one of your New Year’s resolutions, but you and your spouse are still together, you may want to confide your situation to a friend or family member. But limit what you share to just one or two people. If you blab to everyone, your spouse could hear of it, your marriage will suffer even more, and your holiday will explode into ruin for everyone – especially if you have children.

Curb holiday spending. Heading into divorce deeply in debt complicates everything, so don’t drown your guilt or sorrow in shopping. This may not be the most picture-perfect memorable holiday season, and that’s okay – right now, you are just trying to get through.

Lighten up your expectations. Holidays are about getting together, but divorce is about breaking up. Get through this pressure-packed time of year by focusing on others.  Maintain a gracious spirit and be grateful for every good thing you have. Consider what’s most important to yourself and your family, and pare celebrations down to just those things.

Don’t let marital storms destroy your joy. Think of your marital problems the same way you would a big storm during the holidays. You might have to change your plans a bit, re-arrange schedules and deal with some unpleasantness. But you can still figure out ways to celebrate without the downpour derailing your holiday. Find and share every little joy you can this holiday season.

Don’t squabble with your spouse. Keeping your emotions in check is key, so resentment doesn’t overcome you during the holidays.  If you act in anger now, you may ruin your chances to get to a peaceful divorce settlement with your spouse in the New Year.  And, fighting in front of the kids is never a good idea. Children learn what they see at home, and they will take to heart things you say in anger.

Take your time. When the holidays draw to a close, don’t rush headlong into divorce. Take as much time to plan your divorce strategy as you devoted to shopping and decorating for the holidays – this preparation will pay off for an entire lifetime, instead of just one season.

Think peace. The more peace you can bring into your life, now and in the coming year, the more centered you will feel, which will affect your entire family. You have many options available to you as you end your marriage: negotiation between you, mediation, collaborative divorce, and litigation. Choose the avenue that will bring the most peaceful resolution for you and your spouse.