Communication Tools for Collaborative Divorce

Learning to communicate during divorce will have long term benefit for your children and your family relationships.

by Tina Mears, LMFT

Learning to communicate efficiently and effectively is a progression in skills, just like learning a golf swing or entertaining for 50 people. There are many moving parts and it changes depending on who is in front of you. As you go through Collaborative Divorce, communication is a key component to its success.   Yet, it is extremely difficult to achieve because of the newness of the situation and the high emotions that

Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego with divorce solutions. Call 858-472-4022

Tina Mears, LMFT

come with the experience.

It is possible to achieve peaceful, consistent and purposeful communication with your former partner. It all begins with your mindset. Think about communication as having the highest purpose: your child’s well-being. The Collaborative Process is not about winning or losing, as we often see in litigation. It is about coming together, being supported by a team and communicating through each decision. The following are tools to practice as you take the necessary steps in restructuring your family.

  1. Curiosity – How often do we make an assumption and go in for the attack before really understanding the whole situation? It is extremely important to remain curious in gathering information before making decisions.   We can do this by asking questions, being a good listener and challenging ourselves to think in ways that we aren’t used to.
  2. Triggers – Let’s face it, we get triggered. When we aren’t paying attention and “have our buttons out” others will find ways to push them. Learning how to be more mindful and keeping your buttons in will help in more peaceful communication. It’s also knowing what your triggers are so that you can see them coming and prepare yourself with a response that will de-escalate the moment.
  3. Body Language –Our body language can really set the tone of a conversation. Our thoughts, intentions and feelings are expressed by physical behaviors, which could either help or hurt the forward movement of the process. Good eye contact and a relaxed body position can signal that you are willing to work through an issue.
  4. Listening – We can “say” a lot by not saying anything at all. Active listening is a very effective first response when working through a difficult topic. Collaborative Divorce takes a certain amount of trust and sometimes a person just needs to be heard and acknowledged before willing to consider an alternative or soften their position.
  5. Solution-Focused – Most of the language through this process is about finding solutions and keeping the process moving. Learning to communicate with resolutions in mind will help in avoiding getting stuck. This takes practice in compartmentalizing what’s painful and keeping the health and well-being of your children and yourself in mind.

The ingredients for a successful communication between you and your former partner for the sake of your children are reasonable and fairly simple to explain. They are, however, extremely difficult to achieve. With the help of your divorce coach and the other professionals involved, you can reach mutually satisfying goals that will pave the way for a new start and happy future for everyone.

If you would like to learn more about Collaborative Divorce, the members of the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego are here to help you. Contact us at 858-472-4022 or email us at sandiegodivorceoptions@gmail.com

 

 

Now in San Diego: Divorce Options Workshop Saturday, February 6

Learn about your Divorce Options at a free workshop on March 4 at 10:30 a.m. in the Carmel Valley area of San Diego. RSVP at 858-472-2022.

Lessen the stress of divorce by learning about your alternatives Divorce-Options-Square

(SAN DIEGO) – Divorce is difficult and stressful even under the best of circumstances. It can be especially hard if you have children or economic difficulties. Divorce affects people from all walks of life, and no two situations are alike.

It is possible despite challenges to preserve the emotional and financial resources of the family while respecting everyone’s needs during a divorce. Learn about your alternatives at a free “Divorce Options San Diego” workshop. The next Divorce Options in San Diego takes place on Saturday, February 6, from 9 a.m. to 12 noon at the Scripps Ranch Civic Association Community Center, 11885 Cypress Canyon Road (corner of Scripps Poway Parkway and Cypress Canyon, two miles east of Interstate 15).

Divorce Options workshops are scheduled the first Saturday of every month in 2016 at the Scripps Ranch Civic Association Community Center. For additional information or to RSVP, call Divorce Options at (858) 472-4022 or email at sandiegodivorceoptions@gmail.com

Divorce Options provides unbiased information about self-representation, mediation, collaborative divorce, and litigated divorce. The workshop deals with the legal, financial, family and personal issues of divorce in an informational and compassionate small group setting.

Led by volunteer attorneys, financial specialists, and mental health professionals who are members of the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego, the workshop will cover the full range of choices couples have as they contemplate divorce, focusing on the non-adversarial, out-of-court options.

Learn about your options for divorce at a workshop in San Diego on January 2.

Learn about your options for divorce at a workshop in San Diego on January 2.

“Couples considering divorce have decisions to make about the type of divorce process which best suits their circumstances,” said Dan Martin, family law attorney and Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego member. “The Divorce Options program presents an opportunity for the public to learn about the resources they can draw on to plan an effective transition that respects the needs and interests of all family members. Taking time to become more knowledgeable can go a long way to ease the anxiety about your divorce, and allows you to take control of your future,” said Martin.

Martin said the Divorce Options program is useful to anyone thinking about divorce or other relationship transitions including co-habitating couples with children or LGBT couples looking for a process aware and respectful of their unique needs.

Topics include:

  • Litigation, mediation and collaboration – the risks and the benefits of each process
  • Legal, financial, psychological and social issues of divorce
  • How to talk about divorce with your children
  • Guidance from divorce experts

By learning about divorce and the different process options available you can maximize your ability to make good decisions during the difficult and challenging time. Divorce Options is a workshop designed to help couples take the next step, no matter where they are in the process. It identifies strategies to help you stay out of court, and helps you identify the social, emotional, legal, and financial issues that are most pressing for you. There is no solicitation of business.

About the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego

CFLG San Diego’s members work together to learn, practice, and promote collaborative processes for problem solving and the peaceful resolution of family law issues, with an eye toward preserving the emotional, as well as the financial, assets of the family. Its goal is to transform the resolution of family law issues through respectful, collaborative processes that protect the integrity and health of family relationships and eliminate the need for families to resort to litigation.

CFLG is online at www.collaborativefamilylawsandiego.com, and LinkedIn.