Collaborators Support Kids’ Turn San Diego

The Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego support Kids' Turn San Diego, which gives children a safe place to talk about their experiences and feelings when experiencing separation from parents due to military deployments, divorce, and other challenges.

Both groups share commitment to children navigating family separations

Contact: Gayle Lynn Falkenthal, APR / 619-997-2495 or gayle@falconvalleygroup.com

The Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego support Kids' Turn San Diego, which gives children a safe place to talk about their experiences and feelings when experiencing separation from parents due to military deployments, divorce, and other challenges.

The Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego support Kids’ Turn San Diego, which gives children a safe place to talk about their experiences and feelings when experiencing separation from parents due to military deployments, divorce, and other challenges.

(SAN DIEGO) – More than 30 years of research continues to reveal negative effects of traditional divorce on children. Many of the 1.5 million children in the U.S. whose parents divorce every year feel as if their worlds are falling apart. Divorcing parents are usually very concerned about the welfare of their children during this troublesome process. Some parents are so worried that they remain in unhappy marriages, believing it will protect their offspring from the trauma of divorce.

Among the many positive aspects of Collaborative Divorce for families is lessening the potentially harmful effects of divorce on children. The Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego shares this mission with Kids’ Turn San Diego, a nonprofit organization assisting children and families through separation due to divorce or military transitions.

The Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego has signed on as a sponsor for the third year for the Kids’ Turn San Diego Fourth Annual “Night at the Padres” Event on June 4, 2016, with proceeds benefiting its programs bringing peace to children experiencing these difficult family issues.

“The Collaborative method of divorce came about when attorneys, financial advisors and mental health professionals saw the need to better protect the integrity of family relationships, especially where children are involved,” said Myra Fleischer, family law attorney and Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego president. “Collaborative Divorce offers a healthy way to help children through divorce.

“Kids have a safe place to talk about their experiences and feelings at Kids’ Turn San Diego. They meet other children dealing with similar challenges in their lives, so they don’t feel so alone. Caring adults offer effective coping strategies to help the children navigate these major family changes in a positive way,” said Fleischer. “We applaud the group’s work. It is important to us to support these efforts.”

Cindy Grossmont, LCSW, Kids’ Turn San Diego Executive Director, said, “We thank the professionals of the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego for their ongoing support. We know the members share our mission and we value our partnership to help children make their way toward a healthier, happier future.”

To support Kids’ Turn San Diego through “Night at the Padres,” by purchasing tickets or making a donation, visit the donation page here.

About Kids’ Turn San Diego

Kids’ Turn San Diego is a caring nonprofit organization for children and parents experiencing family separations or military transitions. We offer specially designed programs facilitated by trained and experienced mental health professionals and credentialed teachers for never married, separated and divorced families, step-parents and children and families experiencing military related transitions. Visit http://www.kidsturnsd.org/ to learn more.

About The Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego

Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego members work together to learn, practice, and promote collaborative processes for problem solving and the peaceful resolution of family law issues, with an eye toward preserving the emotional, as well as the financial, assets of the family. Its goal is to transform the resolution of family law issues through respectful, collaborative processes that protect the integrity and health of family relationships and eliminate the need for families to resort to litigation.

CFLGSD is online at www.collaborativefamilylawsandiego.com.

 

Do You Need A Child Specialist For Your Divorce?

Working with a Child Specialist through the Collaborative Divorce process can help your children move forward without lasting emotional damage.
Working with a Child Specialist through the Collaborative Divorce process can help your children move forward without lasting emotional damage.

Working with a Child Specialist through the Collaborative Divorce process can help your children move forward without lasting emotional damage.

by Frann Setzer, Esq.
MBA/Certified Family Law Specialist
Lewis, Warren & Setzer, LLP

The holidays can be a stressful time of the year, but for those going through separation or

Attorney Frann Setzer

Family law attorney Frann Setzer

divorce that stress can be magnified. This is especially applicable for children, whose reactions to changes in holiday and family traditions may be difficult to measure. Perhaps this is the right time to add a Child Specialist to your divorce team.

Along with their attorneys and a financial neutral working with clients during the Collaborative divorce process, clients also have their coaches to lean on. Coaches are licensed mental health professionals who help clients identity intense feelings and play a key role in keeping emotions from derailing the process. While clients have strong feelings tied to finances, in my experience as a family law attorney, it is often the parents’ emotions surrounding the children that result in the most intense feelings and correspondingly, the most intense conflict, during the divorce process.

Parents worry about how their children are dealing with the divorce. They worry about establishing a routine that will work for their children. They worry about differences in parenting styles. Situations where the children might have special needs or where a child has a troubled relationship with one parent can cause particular concern. A Child Specialist is a licensed mental health professional with special expertise working with children.

A child specialist can help with these issues in a number of ways:

  1. Resolving differences in parenting styles or skills. A Child Specialist can help parents understand the impact of the divorce and their children’s developmental needs. While the Child Specialist will not make recommendations, he or she can convey the potential risks and protective factors unique to their children. This information can help you make parenting decisions and adapt your parenting style to the situation.
  1. Establishing an optimal schedule. The Child Specialist can also help parents by meeting with the children and then conveying to the parents an understanding of their children’s stress tolerance, developmental needs, as well that their hopes and wishes. This information can be used to help parents craft a parenting plan that works for their children, taking into consideration various factors such as how often the children should transition, whether the children stay together on the same schedule, how flexible the schedule should be. The specialist can also provide examples of schedules that might work well for the children.
  1. How are the children doing? Children often will open up to a neutral trained Child Specialist- someone who is focused on their needs and has no bias. The specialist can assess how the children are coping with the divorce. If the children need further support, the Child Specialist can make referrals to therapists in the community who specialize in divorce-related child therapy.
  1. Working with children who have special needs. Children with special needs such as autism, chronic illness, or learning disorders may benefit from the input of a Child Specialist. The specialist can help parents understand the unique needs of their child and how to structure a parenting plan that will keep the child stable and safe.
  1. Some children may have a difficult relationship with one parent. Sometimes children are drawn into loyalty conflicts and feel they must choose to align with one parent. These children are caught in the middle of their parents’ conflict. The Child Specialist can meet with the children, assess the situation, and help the parents understand the dynamics that are harming the child, the emotional needs of the child, and how the parents can co-parent successfully to support their children. The specialist can help develop a plan to heal or reconnect the estranged child and his/her parent and can make outside referrals as appropriate.

Working with a Child Specialist to address your childrens’ needs during a divorce is one of the advantages of the Collaborative Process. By recognizing and addressing the impact on your children and the outcome moving forward, family relationships can be preserved and everyone can emerge from the experience with a healthy outlook toward the future, avoiding the pain and conflict of a contentious litigated divorce. Contact the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego to learn more.

Ten Golden Rules for a Good Divorce

Is a good divorce possible? After 30 years of experience helping families cope with divorce and remarriage, Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego member Dr. Constance Ahrons believes it is possible.

Dr. Ahrons works with those navigating through a divorce and its aftermath as coach, mediator and/or therapist. She is among the earliest champions of collaborative divorce.

Constance Ahrons is a best-selling author of the books “The Good Divorce” and “We’re Still Family,” and co-author of the highly regarded book, “Divorced Families.” An acclaimed speaker, she he has been featured on numerous national television interviews.

Dr. Ahrons is deeply interested in the welfare of the entire family, particularly children, who are facing the challenges of divorce. If your divorce involves children, Dr. Ahrons suggests following these rules to help everyone cope and move forward in the most healthy way possible.

Ten Golden Rules for a Good Divorce

1.    ACCEPT THAT ALL-OUT WAR IS NOT INEVITABLE.

In fact, it is destructive.  Mediation and Collaborative Divorce are two choices that aim to reduce anger between divorcing spouses.

2.   STAY IN CHARGE OF YOUR DIVORCE.

Remember, this is your divorce, not your lawyers.

3.    SLOW DOWN THE PROCESS

Although adults often want to move on quickly, remember that children need time to adjust.

4.   ACCEPT THAT YOUR CHILD NEEDS–AND HAS A RIGHT–TO BOTH PARENTS.

Even though you’re angry with your spouse, remember your children’s needs.

5.    COOPERATE WITH YOUR EX FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILDREN.

It’s one of the best gifts you can give your kids.  Ongoing conflict between parents increases children’s distress.

6. DON’T BADMOUTH YOUR EX IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN

When you badmouth your ex to the kids you are telling your kids that the part of them that is like their other parent is bad too. It is bad for their self-esteem.

7. DIVORCE IS NOT THE END OF THE FAMILY

It’s important to your children’s well-being for them to feel like they still have a family.  Help them to understand that the divorce means that they are now a dual-household family.

8. RECOGNIZE THAT COMPROMISE IS ALWAYS NECESSARY

This is key to helping to reduce your anger.

9. LET YOURSELF FACE AND GRIEVE YOUR LOSSES

One of the big losses is the loss of future dreams. Just beneath    your anger is sadness over the losses of those special things you might have hoped for in your future.

 10.  LET THE ANGER GO—AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

Holding on to hostility and anger is self-destructive.  It keeps you stuck in the past and keeps you from finding new joys in life.