Member Constance Ahrons Delivers Keynote Address in Minneapolis on “Life After Divorce”

Dr. Constance Ahrons recently appeared at a Collaborative Law Summit held by the Collaborative Law Institute of Minnesota.

Psychologist Dr. Constance Ahrons of San Diego, a member of the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego, delivered the keynote address at the recent “Life After Divorce” Parenting Summit held in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The conference was sponsored in part by the Collaborative Law Institute of Minnesota.

Dr. Ahrons shared her expertise on different methods of approaching the challenges of divorce, the advantages of Collaborative Divorce, and how to have a “good divorce” and move forward in a positive, productive way.

In an interview with the Minneapolis Star Tribune previewing the summit, Dr. Ahrons said her key takeaway message is “that divorce goes on for your lifetime. If you have children, you’re their parents for life. It’s so hard to get out of the place they’re stuck in, but if they look down the line, they realize that they are going to have to be able to relate to this person or they’re going to lose out.” Read the rest of the interview here.

While in Minneapolis, Dr. Ahrons also spoke to local Collaborative Practice professionals.

Dr. Ahrons has three decades of experience helping couples and families cope with divorce and its aftermath. She is a sought-out international speaker and expert, and the author of the bestselling books “The Good Divorce” (HarperCollins) and “We’re Still Family” (HarperCollins). She also co-authored the highly regarded “Divorced Families” (W.W. Norton). Dr. Ahrons’ books are all in print and available at Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

Dr. Ahrons is Professor Emerita of Sociology and the former Director of the Family Therapy Doctoral Training Program at USC.  Prior to teaching at USC she was a professor in the School of Social Work at the University of Wisconsin, Madison. To better understand how divorce impacts families, she conducted a long-term study of 98 post divorce families, interviewing them four times over 20 years. The research findings from The Binuclear Family Study have been published in three books and over 30 professional articles, and cited by numerous newspapers nationally and internationally. The original data are available in archives at Harvard.

The Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego thanks Dr. Ahrons for her dedication to Collaborative Practice and her participation as a valued member of our organization.

 

 

 

Ten Golden Rules for a Good Divorce

Is a good divorce possible? After 30 years of experience helping families cope with divorce and remarriage, Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego member Dr. Constance Ahrons believes it is possible.

Dr. Ahrons works with those navigating through a divorce and its aftermath as coach, mediator and/or therapist. She is among the earliest champions of collaborative divorce.

Constance Ahrons is a best-selling author of the books “The Good Divorce” and “We’re Still Family,” and co-author of the highly regarded book, “Divorced Families.” An acclaimed speaker, she he has been featured on numerous national television interviews.

Dr. Ahrons is deeply interested in the welfare of the entire family, particularly children, who are facing the challenges of divorce. If your divorce involves children, Dr. Ahrons suggests following these rules to help everyone cope and move forward in the most healthy way possible.

Ten Golden Rules for a Good Divorce

1.    ACCEPT THAT ALL-OUT WAR IS NOT INEVITABLE.

In fact, it is destructive.  Mediation and Collaborative Divorce are two choices that aim to reduce anger between divorcing spouses.

2.   STAY IN CHARGE OF YOUR DIVORCE.

Remember, this is your divorce, not your lawyers.

3.    SLOW DOWN THE PROCESS

Although adults often want to move on quickly, remember that children need time to adjust.

4.   ACCEPT THAT YOUR CHILD NEEDS–AND HAS A RIGHT–TO BOTH PARENTS.

Even though you’re angry with your spouse, remember your children’s needs.

5.    COOPERATE WITH YOUR EX FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILDREN.

It’s one of the best gifts you can give your kids.  Ongoing conflict between parents increases children’s distress.

6. DON’T BADMOUTH YOUR EX IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN

When you badmouth your ex to the kids you are telling your kids that the part of them that is like their other parent is bad too. It is bad for their self-esteem.

7. DIVORCE IS NOT THE END OF THE FAMILY

It’s important to your children’s well-being for them to feel like they still have a family.  Help them to understand that the divorce means that they are now a dual-household family.

8. RECOGNIZE THAT COMPROMISE IS ALWAYS NECESSARY

This is key to helping to reduce your anger.

9. LET YOURSELF FACE AND GRIEVE YOUR LOSSES

One of the big losses is the loss of future dreams. Just beneath    your anger is sadness over the losses of those special things you might have hoped for in your future.

 10.  LET THE ANGER GO—AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

Holding on to hostility and anger is self-destructive.  It keeps you stuck in the past and keeps you from finding new joys in life.

 

Pacific Northwest Magazine: “Couples can divorce without drama”

CFLGSD member Constance Ahrons, Ph.D., rofessor emerita of the University of Southern California and the former director, Marriage and Family Therapy Doctoral Program, is quoted in a recent article written for Pacific Northwest Magazine, which appears every Friday as part of the Seattle Times.

In the article, Dr. Ahrons explains what it means to have “a good divorce,” a phrase she originated to describe the type of divorce made possible through the Collaborative Divorce process.

ELLEN M. BANNER / THE SEATTLE TIMES

It’s always good news when people are given an opportunity to learn more about Collaborative Divorce through articles like this one, featuring experts like Dr. Ahrons.

Read the article here.