Stress, Divorce and Down Dog

Yoga is one of many methods you can try to manage stress during a divorce.

By Win Heiskala, Certified Family Law Specialist
Attorney-Partner, Beatrice L. Snider Family Law Group

Stress. That is one word that comes to mind for most people when they think of divorce. Either their own or someone else’s divorce[1]. How to manage that stress? Obviously, the best way to handle any stress is to remove it, but that is not possible if you find yourself in the middle of a divorce process, either as the initiating party or responding. The divorce will happen and you need to be involved in important decisions affecting you and your family. Even if you think you are “in control” and have come to terms with the decision and the outcome, it is still one of the most emotional processes of your life.win-heiskala-photo

I am not a medical expert, nor is this a medical/mental health article, but it seems fairly well documented that stress is hazardous to one’s physical and emotional health. And, based on experience and observation, your stress (anxiety, anger, fear) can be very hazardous to those around you. Your children can be irrevocably damaged by your inability to control the negative emotions of a divorce, your workplace will only tolerate so much, and your friends can be quickly exhausted.

So, what to do? You are already overloaded to make time for attorneys, accountants, therapists, and the inevitable repair people for those appliances that always decide to break down during this upheaval. But there must be space for some time for you. Find the time.  I recommend you spend that time at the closest Iyengar[2] yoga studio, and begin lessons at whatever level is recommended to you.

Focusing on your mind/body connection, through methodical, specific instruction can result in a calmer, more centered you.

Meditation in yoga is experienced, not by sitting staring into space, but by concentrating on the movement of specific parts of your body with awareness and attention. It is difficult to think of one’s problems when you are attempting to remember the multiple points it takes just to stand straight (let alone on your head – but you won’t be asked to do that in the first class). And you are the arbiter of what you will do in class – it is your body. The alignment of your body, in and of itself, provides calmness and clarity of thought. A backbend can provide joy (that won’t happen first class either).  The release of tension can be immediate and lasting.

Yoga is one of many methods you can try to manage stress during a divorce.

Yoga is one of many methods you can try to manage stress during a divorce.

In the Iyengar discipline of yoga, you are encouraged to ultimately establish your own “home” practice as well as attend classes. Yoga is good for any body, at any age, regardless of any physical limitations. Obviously, there are no guarantees and much depends on the time and effort expended. This is not an ad for yoga. I am not a paid representative of Iyengar yoga. There is no contract to sign. It is a pay as you go system. No commitment is expected except your own commitment to your own mental, emotional and physical well being. Try it!

[1] As an attorney I do feel obliged to make reference to the legal terminology of Dissolution of Marriage, but it is still commonly called Divorce by most.

[2] My yoga experience (of over 20 years) has been exclusively with this discipline of teaching. So I am not comfortable making a recommendation for any other method, but that is not to be interpreted as a negative for any other yoga discipline or course of study.

Collaborative law featured on ESPN 1700 Radio

Real Estate Radio on ESPN AM 1700 San Diego

Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego member attorney Shawn Weber, Certified Family Real Estate Radio on ESPN AM 1700 San DiegoLaw Specialist with Brave Weber Mack, discussed the Collaborative approach to divorce during a recent guest appearance on “The Real Estate Radio Hour” on ESPN Radio 1700 AM with host Ryan White.

Weber pointed out that recent budget cutbacks to California’s family law court system makes it much more difficult, time consuming, and expensive to pursue a divorce via litigation, making the Collaborative approach to divorce a better choice for many families.

Hear the entire interview with Shawn via the link below.

Should You Treat Your Marriage Like A Business?

The New Love Deal is a helpful book and it strongly supports collaborative Divorce.

There are many new models for what used to be the traditional marriage. People are living together without getting married in the legal sense. People are establishing domestic partnerships. There are now legal same-sex marriages.

When couples break up, many times they end up in new legal territory. What isn’t new is The New Love Deal is a helpful book and it strongly supports collaborative Divorce. that any breakup can quickly turn contentious. Individuals are hurt and angry. They become emotional and lash out. The result: a stressful, messy, hostile, and expensive situation that causes lasting damage, especially if children are in the picture.

Chicago based family law attorney Gemma Allen, retired Cook County (Illinois) judge Michele Lowrence, and financial columnist Terry Savage have published a book calling for couples to have open and frank communication before, during, and after their relationship and strongly encourage prenuptial agreements. It’s called “The New Love Deal: Everything You Must Know Before Marrying, Moving In or Moving On.”

The authors present helpful information for all couples no matter their current legal circumstances as if having a conversation among friends. Their advice supports the Collaborative Law approach taken by the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego in encouraging open and respectful communication at every step.

If you are considering marriage, a civil union, domestic partnership, or a divorce, you may find this book helpful. It is available on Amazon. If you need help with your own family law issues involving marriage or divorce, custody, support, or settlements, contact the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego.