Your Brain on Collaborative Divorce

Your brain and Collaboraive Divorce

By Garrison “Bud” Klueck

Americans of a certain age likely recall a memorable TV commercial.  The TV image is that of someone breaking an egg.  The voice-over announcer says “This is your brain.”  It then cuts to a very hot frying pan sizzling.  The egg is dropped into the pan, where it rapidly fried.  The voiceover says “This is your brain on drugs. Get it?”  In other words, taking drugs fries your brain.

Your brain and Collaboraive DivorceThe services offered by the professionals in a Collaborative divorce team have the opposite effect on clients going through the divorce process.  Collaborative divorce “unfries your brain.”  The client’s “unfried brain” then has the capacity to make the important decisions that a divorcing person needs to make.

Brain science tells us that there are parts that are basically the source of all the emotions that we experience.  These brain parts are known by the term “amygdala.”

While emotions are important to living a full and satisfying life, almost everybody has experienced how our emotions can sometimes become overwhelming.  Modern brain scans tell us why. Those brain scans show that, when the emotional parts of the brain are activated, the higher-reasoning parts show little or no activity.

The divorce process generates intense emotions.  Meanwhile, those divorcing spouses have to make very important decisions by weighing the costs against the benefits of various options.  In other words, the usual way people get divorced demands that they make important life-affecting decisions at a time in their lives when their emotions make them least likely to make sound decisions.

As a Collaborative attorney, I have witnessed that the very valuable services rendered by our well-trained divorce coaches have the effect of “turning down the heat” of the emotions of our clients.  When you lessen the activation of the emotional centers of our brains, it lets the decision-making centers become activated; then the divorcing persons are freed to make the very important decisions that will affect their lives and their children’s lives for years to come.

Over my more than a quarter-century of family law practice, I have witnessed people in the traditional court-based divorce process make some very bad decisions which affected their future and their childrens’ future.  To protect against this almost inevitable problem, there must be some process to prevent those very powerful emotions of the moment affect long-term planning.  The involvement of mental health professionals to help divorcing people process their emotions not only lets those people feel somewhat better during the process, it empowers them to make the decisions they will need to make.

Your brain “on collaborative divorce” will not be a fried brain, like on drugs, but a healthy brain ready to make good choices for a healthy future for you and your family.

Author Garrison “Bud” Klueck has received training as both as an attorney and as a mental health professional.  As an attorney, Bud has been practicing law for over 27 years and is a certified legal specialist in family law.  He was among the first group of San Diego professionals to train in the collaborative process in 2001 and has, over the years, participated in many collaborative cases. As a mental health professional, Bud has a Master’s degree in counseling psychology (MACP) and has internship status with the California Board of Behavioral Science (BBS).

 

Hildy Fentin named President of Southern California Chapter of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers

Contact: Gayle Lynn Falkenthal, APR, Falcon Valley Group
619-997-2495 / gayle@falconvalleygroup.com

(SAN DIEGO) – Family law attorney and Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) mediator and collaborator Hildy Fentin has been named President of the Southern California chapter of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers for the 2014-2015 term. Fentin is the first attorney named to this leadership role whose practice is limited to Alternative Dispute Resolution. Fentin is Immediate Past President of CFLGSD and a valued member of the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego.

Hildy Fentin, Collaborative Family Law Group of San DiegoThe AAML, founded in 1962, is recognized as the most prestigious national family law organization in the U.S. with more than 1,600 Fellows in the United States. Academy Fellows are highly skilled negotiators and litigators who represent individuals in all facets of family law. To be represented by an AAML Fellow is to be represented by a leading practitioner in the field of family law.

Fentin has extensive experience in various alternative dispute resolution methods, including mediation, Collaborative Divorce, and settlement conference judging. She is often brought into cases to facilitate settlement because of her history of success in finding creative solutions.

“This honor is meaningful to me because it represents a significant shift in thinking about how best to resolve family law disputes,” said Fentin. “It was not so long ago that the only accepted approach to divorce was the traditional litigation model. Now divorcing couples have the option to engage in a consensus-oriented, collaborative approach which is a more dignified and respectful process for everyone involved. It reduces emotional stress and keeps decision making in the hands of the parties, rather than handing their future over to the courts.”

The mission of the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego is to transform the resolution of family law issues through respectful, collaborative processes that protect the integrity and health of family relationships and eliminate the need for families to resort to litigation. That is why Fentin has devoted significant time and effort to the growth and development of CFLGSD.

“My goal in any legal matter is to educate and help guide parties to a fair resolution and avoid stressful, lengthy and expensive litigation,” said Fentin. “My reward is when they reach a comprehensive settlement in a peaceful and respectful manner.”

Fentin is a Certified Family Law Specialist by the State Bar of California; Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers; and immediate Past President of the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego. Fentin is a recipient of the Judge Norbert Ehrenfreud Family Law Award (“Norby Award”) for dedicated and meritorious service to the Family Law Bench and Bar, awarded by Family Law Judicial Officers. She has extensive training and experience in negotiation, collaboration and mediation.

“My appointment to this AAML leadership role recognizes the significant impact of Alternative Dispute Resolution and its growing acceptance in the legal community.”

About the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego

CFLG San Diego’s members work together to learn, practice, and promote collaborative processes for problem solving and the peaceful resolution of family law issues, with an eye toward preserving the emotional, as well as the financial, assets of the family. Its goal is to transform the resolution of family law issues through respectful, collaborative processes that protect the integrity and health of family relationships and eliminate the need for families to resort to litigation.

CFLG is online at www.collaborativefamilylawsandiego.com, and LinkedIn.